Tuesday, April 30, 2019

There And Back Again


"In a hole in the ground there lived a hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, filled with the ends of worms and an oozy smell, nor yet a dry, bare, sandy hole with nothing in it to sit down on or to eat: it was a hobbit-hole, and that means comfort."

So begins J.R.R. Tolkien's 1937 novel The Hobbit. For a while, oh...let's say seven or eight or years or so, I read The Hobbit every Christmas when I was home with my parents for the holidays from school or my job in upstate New York. The copy I owned (and still own) is the 50th anniversary edition bound and boxed appropriately in gold with full color illustrations of Tolkien's own drawings. It cost me $9.50 at the Dawn Treader bookstore in Ann Arbor. I know this because the price is still written in pencil on the first page of the book. Suffice it to say, I love this book.

What does all that have to do with my travel project, you might ask? Well, there's a place in New Zealand where the not nasty / dirty / wet, nor dry / bare / sandy hole from The Hobbit exists. Sort of. So do a lot of other hobbit-holes. Sort of. There's a whole hill of them, with rocking chairs out front and ponds between them and paths connecting them. There's even a mill of sorts and a tavern. And it's all completely made up and fake and it's also completely awesome.

When it came time for director Peter Jackson to adapt Tolkien's three-volume Lord of the Rings epic novel into a series of three films, he elected to transform his home country of New Zealand into Middle Earth. Mount Ngauruhoe became Mount Doom, Fiordland National Park became Fangorn Forest, the Southern Alps became the Misty Mountains and a small part of a cow farm near Matamata was transformed into a slice of the Shire. The Hobbiton part, to be precise. 

The first glimpse of Hobbiton.
So the story of Hobbiton starts with Jackson and some assistants combing the countryside of New Zealand looking for a patch of land with a hill, a lake and a big tree on top of the hill and somehow, someway they decided that about 1% of a farmer's field in the middle of nowhere was the spot they had to have. How this happens I have no idea. Why this field? How were they even in a field in Matamata to begin with? Did they roam all over every square inch of the country? Really? I mean, really? Of course I could have asked all these questions of our bus driver, but I did not. Complete fail.

Our journey to Hobbiton started in Auckland. And yes, since we had a bus driver we obviously took a bus. I mean, why not? It was either that or drive ourselves which was just out of the question for us in the first few days we were in country on the north island. South island later on in the week? Sure. Drive out of Auckland. Don't think so.

The ride from Auckland is about two hours to the visitors center and then it's a timed, guided tour from there. Seems restrictive? I thought it would be too and it's really not. There was plenty of time to see everything with maybe one last bit which we'll get to.

Our tour started with our guide, Mike, who read us the rules of the road and anointed us all hobbits for the hour plus that we were under his care. This was important because any time anyone fell a little behind the tour we'd be admonished with a cry of "come on, my hobbits!" It should be noted that we were hobbits in name only and did not get to dress up, especially not in the real bonafide movie version of the costumes because that would have taken two hours. We didn't have that much time.

After our quick orientation, we were off into Hobbiton proper, starting with the spot where Gandalf stopped his cart after Frodo Baggins told him he was late at the beginning of The Fellowship of the Ring. And as we well know, a wizard is never late, nor is he early. He arrives precisely when he means to.


It is difficult for me to convey how a place so artificial and non-natural can inspire such wonder in me, but walking through the gap in the trees and taking my first steps onto a path in Hobbiton was incredible. I know it's a movie set that is supposed to look perfect and ideal but honestly I had no idea it would make me think something like "Oh my God! I'm in Hobbiton!" I know it's completely made up, but it worked on me.

The initial view of Hobbiton is shown two pictures above. You can see the whole place all the way up to the massive (and not real) tree at the top of the hill, which is right on top of Bag End. Between Bilbo Baggins' place and where you are standing are tens of hobbit-holes with different colored (and as it turns out different sized) painted round doors. One thing you struggle to see is tons and tons of fellow tourists, which I was truly surprised about. Sure there were some there, but the majority were well hidden by the undulating paths climbing the hill.

The details are incredible. Chairs and tables in the front yards. Freshly baked bread (not really...but it looked real) left to cool off and newly caught fish (again, not really but...) drying on a line outside the fishmonger's house. Giant vegetables (again, not real) in wheelbarrows lined with straw. Paper lanterns hanging to light the paths at night. A village notice board with advertisements of fiddle lessons and the Buckland Fair. Clothes hanging on washing lines. And the smoke from the chimneys. Which isn't really logs burning in a fire because it doesn't look as smoke-like as the fake stuff.

And I know making fantasy seem like reality is what the people who made this place are paid to do. It still doesn't make it any less amazing. We were in The Shire. There's no doubt in my mind.

Samwise Gamgee's place...
and Bag End, home of Bilbo Baggins and, later, his nephew, Frodo.
Most of the attraction here is being transported to a place that exists that has no business existing. There's a fascination in seeing, smelling, touching (not everything...just a few things) and taking in everything about a place that has before this only been real in your mind's eye and in the films you have watched, whether it's the super excellent Lord of the Rings trilogy or the why-was-it-three-films-again? adaptation of The Hobbit. But it's also fun to have some inside scoop on how this all came together.

We got a little. First of all, the place was first opened for visits after the Lord of the Rings was released. Then when the decision to make The Hobbit was made, they had to stop tours and rebuild the place. The tree at the top of the hill? As I already mentioned it's not real but originally it was. Or sort of. It was once a real tree but it wasn't in the location needed so they took apart a real tree and re-assembled it on the top of Bag End. They added the leaves by hand. Every. Leaf. By. Hand.

Speaking of trees...Tolkien mentioned plum trees in the books. Only plum trees don't scale right with hobbit-holes in the movies. Too big. You will only find citrus and apple trees in Hobbiton today but there are apparently plum trees in the movies. Again, sort of. There are actually apple trees with fake plums attached to the branches with wires. 

And the road we drove in on? Built by the New Zealand Army a long time ago before the same Army served as soldiers in the Battle of Helm's Deep in The Two Towers. The directors had to tell them to back off a little during the battle sequence so they wouldn't harm each other.

And then there are those hobbit-holes, which I've already mentioned are different sizes. It's true. And it's not because different sized hobbits live in them. It's all for the camera angles. It's all about the camera!! Some hobbit-hole doors are hobbit sized, some are human sized and some won't fit either hobbits or humans through them. Like me. Below.


So there are some hobbit-holes that you can go into and some that you can't then right?

Wrong! You can't go into any of them. Not a single one.

Now, I know what you are thinking: the picture right above here that I just pointed out after I said some doors were human sized shows me exiting a hobbit-hole, right? Nope. Wrong again! That door doesn't move. It's open just wide enough so tourists who have nothing better to do in New Zealand can get their picture taken appearing to step out of their very own hobbit-hole can do it. Did I mention by the way there are more tourists going through Hobbiton each year than any other spot in New Zealand?

If there was a disappointment for me here, it was this. And I have no idea why I thought I had any business to think that the doors of Bag End would open into a fully built out hobbit-hole. I mean OF COURSE they filmed all the interior scenes on a set somewhere. What else would they do? I'm a dummy. Apparently Bag End is painted to three feet inside of the door but that's it. No exploring Bilbo's pantries or larders or throwing a ring into his fireplace to see if there were runes on it.

But there is The Green Dragon.



That's right. Once you pass through Hobbiton and walk past the village notice board and the truly amazing and perfectly put together (but totally fake) mill, there's The Green Dragon, the most famous pub in Hobbiton. And yes, it's right next to the festival field so there's plenty of overflow space when Tooks and Brandybucks and Gamgees and Proudfoots (or is it Proudfeet?) and Boffins and Bolgers descend on the place for a pint or two of ale. Or I guess it's really something smaller than a pint since Pippin was surprised it came in pints when he stopped into the Prancing Pony in Bree. Right?

The Green Dragon is the only building in Hobbiton that you can enter and stay in and sit in and certainly the only one where you can have a beer. My impression is that you get a drink token with the price of your admission because that's what came with our tour (I could be wrong...). One token gets you one drink of beer, cider or ginger beer (ginger beer is everywhere in New Zealand) and all four drinks (there are two varieties of beer) are custom brewed for Hobbiton and Hobbiton only. 

You can see my dilemma already I'm sensing. One token and two types of beer. That math doesn't work for me. Ale or stout? Stout or ale?

Fortunately, additional cups of ale or stout are available for an additional fee. Or apparently they are if Don is around because Don somehow collects all the money. Don wasn't around when I was in there so I got my second for free. I'm lucky sometimes, what can I say.

One cup of ale and one cup of stout. Perfect! It (correctly) does not come in pints at The Green Dragon. 
The beer is the product of New Zealand's own Good George Brewing. And you know I'm going to review the beer. 

Now I'm not sure how the hobbits (who have never been real; have to keep reminding myself) flavored their beer but I imagine a pretty simple beer is what makes a hobbit happy. And if simple's what you want, I'd go with the ale because it was for sure that. Not a bad beer. I've certainly had worse. Just plain, is all.

Want a little more flavor? I'd opt for the stout which has some coffee notes and was on every level far more tasty than the ale. I could have had a few cups of this (after all, it's not even a pint) and sat for a while if our tour had allowed us the time but they rushed us along. Both the stout and the ale seemed very heavily carbonated and it's not a New Zealand thing I don't think because no other beer I supped while over there was this carbonated.

After The Green Dragon you're done, unless you have purchased a lunch on your tour (we had) or you want to buy souvenirs of Hobbiton at the gift store on the way out (we did). It lasted all of maybe an hour and a half and it's completely fake. But it was completely awesome at the same time. I have never been anywhere simultaneously so pointless and so incredible. We visited The Shire. I'm sure of it. Even though I know it's not real and never will be. Sometimes we need to suspend belief sometimes and live in our imaginations. Hobbiton for me was for sure one of these times. 

This post is about Hobbiton but if 90 minutes there doesn't scratch that Tolkien itch enough for you, there are tons more places to go in New Zealand to experience more. I am sure there is every variety of tour company that can take you to filming location after filming location to get your fill and more of all things Hobbit and LOTR. We went smaller scale, including one which is completely free. Well, completely free if you happen to be flying through Wellington International Airport.

What other time am I going to get my picture taken holding a troll's big toe?
Most of the props and models including models of Helm's Deep and Gondor and the arms and armor used by most every character in all the Lord of the Rings and Hobbit movies were conceptualized and built at the Weta Workshop just south and east of downtown Wellington. The workshop today is still involved in blockbuster movie and television production but also runs tours of their place for those of us determined to get more Middle Earth on our vacation.

No photos on the inside portion of the tour but it did get us a look at and a feel of some of the armor and arms made for the films and some stories about the tricks used to make the whole thing come to life. There is maybe a little too much information shared in some spots especially the story about the dwarf milk made of sweat and talcum powder squeezed from the body suit of some of the dwarf characters in The Hobbit. Not a good visual.

And yes, the three trolls that Bilbo turned to stone by making them argue until the sun came up about the best way to eat the dwarfs are all there outside the studio. The trolls are in their pre-stone form but because they aren't real they may as well be stone. What other time are you going to be able to walk right up to a troll and get a picture.


If you manage to make it to Weta Workshop and have to fly into or out of Wellington, you might notice a pair of eagles flying over the food court and Gandalf sitting on the back of one of the two birds. If there's any place where the entwined identity of New Zealand and Middle Earth comes together for me, it's here. Where else does an airport have a tourist attraction like this? Grab a sandwich, a bag of Bluebird salt and vinegar crisps and maybe a bottle of L&P and hang out below some movie props while waiting for your flight. I don't know of many better ways to spend time at an airport.

Apparently before the eagles were in the airport they had a giant Gollum sculpture. Sorry we missed that but the eagles were cool enough. But neither the eagles nor the Weta Workshop topped Hobbiton. That place was one of the highlights of our trip to New Zealand. Even if it is completely fake.




How We Did It
There are any number of ways to get to Hobbiton but all of them probably involve driving there. I'm sure it's easy to get there in a car once you get out of Auckland but we decided to bus there. There are many many bus trips you can take. Sign on to Viator and search for Hobbiton and you'll find any number of different options. My search while writing this post found 60!

We opted to go to Hobbiton with GreatSights because they offered a tour that started in Auckland, stopped at Hobbiton and Waitomo Caves (home of the famous glowworms) and ended in Rotorua. Since our first stop in New Zealand was in Auckland for three nights and we planned to spend the same amount of time in Rotorua as our second stop, knocking off a couple of our must sees while being driven from one place to the next was ideal. Instead of a day trip from Auckland followed by a day of transit to Rotorua, we managed to take care of two things in one trip. I'm sure there are probably other companies that make the same journey but I can say that other than not showing up at our hotel on time to pick us up (which I guess is kind of a big deal) this company was fantastic. They were super clear about schedule and transfers which I appreciated. And if Raphael is your driver from Auckland to Hobbiton say hi for me. He was fantastic.

If you end up in Wellington and want to get to the Weta Workshop, there is a shuttle bus that takes you from downtown Wellington to the Workshop. There are two tours offered when you get out there: one through the Weta Cave which shows you a lot of their model making capabilities, including some props developed for Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit, and one through their set for the Thunderbirds revival which, as a former Thunderbirds fan growing up in England, brought back memories. The entire experience was about four or five hours from start to finish. There are several options for departure and return times. Check their website for details.

Finally, if you are even just passing through Wellington International Airport on a rushed connection, go see the eagles. Just for five minutes. 


Wednesday, April 24, 2019

Porridge, Pies & Pavlova


It's been a couple of years since I've written a country-wide post about food so I think it's about time. The last trip that yielded one of these was Japan in 2017 and honestly the places we've been since then were either uninspiring from a food standpoint; repeats of past trips; or filled with not quite enough awesome eats to fill a whole post. New Zealand broke that mold.

Not familiar with New Zealand food? Neither was I. I quite frankly wouldn't have been able to intelligently articulate anything about food from that country more than maybe six months ago. But some advance research, some paying attention along the way and refusing to back down from anything that sounds like I've never heard of it before got me some interesting meals and snacks. So here are a few words about food and drink from our latest excursion. OK, maybe more than a FEW. And the drink is not what you think, I'm guessing.


Porridge

I'm starting with breakfast, I guess. If the above picture isn't the prettiest bowl of porridge you've ever seen, then you didn't grow up in England in the 1970s eating Ready Brek.

At its most basic level, porridge is ground starch or grains of some sort mixed with milk or water. Before New Zealand my experience with the stuff was limited to instant oat cereal made with hot milk and maybe a dollop of jam on top for some flavor other than the standard sugar that could be sprinkled all over the top to sweeten it up a little. The kiwis are taking this stuff to a whole new level. Polenta porridge with lime and macadamia nuts? Yes, please! Yummy!! And with a iced chocolate drink on the side. What a way to start the day.

As frou frou as this bowl sounds (edible pink flowers? really?), it was actually delicious and I would have loved more but it was honestly pretty difficult to find porridge on menus. An internet search for the stuff yielded some advice on where to head including a dedicated porridge restaurant which it appeared had closed. I mean, I might have had a craving for the stuff while we were in country but I don't see a restaurant surviving long exclusively serving this dish. If my one New Zealand bowl was the last one I have, I'm happy with my lifelong porridge experience. 


The Dairy

Ever since I visited Japan, I've been curious about convenience stores all over the world. If you have no idea what I mean by this, go to Japan and spend some time in a 7-11 or FamilyMart. Tell me you can't walk out of either one of those places with like eight or ten delicious food items.

In New Zealand, the convenience store is more often known as the dairy, even though it has nothing to do with milk or cheese or anything else related to dairy production. Some of the things we found here were purposeful pilgrimages; others were accidents. I think a quick couple of sentences or so is worthwhile for each item that we found there.

I hate to keep bringing up Japan like it was one of the best trips of my life (although it was) but one of my favorite Japanese snacks are strawberry Pocky Sticks, thin sticks of cookie coated with oh so delicious faux strawberry creme. Imagine my surprise when I saw what looked to be a dead on knockoff in boxes of Lucky Stick. The cookie sticks are thicker, meaning the cookie to strawberry ratio is higher. I'm in it for the strawberry; higher cookie ratio is bad. Just one box here for me.

I cannot explain Chocolate Fish being marshmallow covered in chocolate but I'd eat these things occasionally in the U.S. if they made their way stateside. I mean who doesn't love flavored marshmallow and chocolate? If they did ever make their way to America, they'd have to lose the "as kiwi as jandals" slogan. Don't ask. I cannot explain this either. 

Any hankering for dark chocolate with orange candy shells? See, you didn't even know these things existed but I got you thinking now. Jaffas were probably the hit of our dairy exploration. Dark chocolate and orange is a classic combination. Or maybe fake orange if you prefer me to be more accurate. Good stuff.

If there was a supreme disappointment in New Zealand convenience store fare, it was Pineapple Lumps. Yes, I know the name sucks. Who would really want to eat anything called "lumps"? But pineapple flavored whatever coated in chocolate? On the scale of awesomeness, how could this do anything but rate "supremely awesome"? 

It wasn't. Honestly, I felt like I was chewing chemicals eating these things. Totally disgusting and totally disappointing. The most disappointing thing about New Zealand by far. I threw half of the bag away. And I really had to choke down the first half. I take notes when I travel. My notes about Pineapple Lumps read "gummy and unpleasant". And there was such possibility...


Lemon & Paeroa 

Sure, I could have put this in the same section as the rest of the delicacies and disgustingness I found at the dairies but I decided not to. L&P is the only drink I'm featuring in this post and it deserves its own spot. You thought I was going to write about beer, didn't you?

I would describe Lemon & Paeroa as a cross between lemon-lime soda (although no lime really) and cream soda, but with the cream soda backed off to like 15 or 20% of cream soda-ness. Just a hint of that bite that cream soda sometimes has. I don't drink soda really ever, and certainly not non-diet soda, but I had three L&Ps when I was in New Zealand. If I could find this stuff locally, I'd buy some every now and then. I'd put it in the same soda category as Faygo Rock & Rye and Vernor's ginger ale. And yes, that's some high praise.


Pies

If there's a kiwi food that deserves a special place in the food of the world pantheon, it's New Zealand's hand pies, mobile hot pockets of savory deliciousness. Now, this is not the first time I've written about the joy of pies. I had plenty of steak and ale and chicken and mushroom and every other kind of pie in England in 2014 and 2016 (even if I didn't write about it that last year). But whereas you need a knife and fork and plate and plenty of gravy and some time to digest what you've eaten in a pub in Britain, New Zealand's pies are an on the go food.

How's that work, you might ask? Well, folks that make these things have made the insides solid enough (yet still moist) so that you can bite into them without the whole filling (or even a part of it) dripping out and onto the floor, sidewalk or, worse still, you. Does that inhibit the flavor? Not as far as I can tell. At least two of the pies I ate in New Zealand were some of the finest bites I had on this trip.

Mince and cheese pie in Rotorua. Almost gone and no mess. Genius!!
These things are pretty much everywhere. We found them in supermarkets just waiting to be taken away and eaten (I did), in dairies ready for a quick meal while walking to wherever you are going (we didn't do this), in dedicated pie shops (so good...) and in honest to goodness full blown restaurants. The variety is astonishing but they are generally flavored in the British style but lighter, meaning beef and chicken with mushrooms and even butter chicken (albeit the kiwis somehow dump a ton of sugar in their butter chicken; not sure why) but without all the artery clogging fat or suet in the crust. Or at least I like to think so anyway.

The other great benefit of New Zealand pies? The smaller size means they are cheaper. The best pie I had during our two weeks in country cost me just $4.90. That's $4.90 New Zealand dollars, meaning about $3.25 U.S. These are the one food I miss on a weekly basis since we got back. Someone in the Washington, D.C. area needs to open a New Zealand pie shop and quick!


Hokey Pokey Ice Cream

I don't normally eat ice cream when I travel. Not that I don't like it or anything; it's just not part of my regular diet. True, I spent pretty much all of my time in Italy four years ago looking for gelato, but never since. 

Until New Zealand. I knew about hokey pokey ice cream before we landed in New Zealand and pretty much the first time I saw an ice cream stand the day we got there I was over at the counter checking to see if they had some. They didn't. But we found some on day two in country after a tramp to the top of One Tree Hill. There's a creamery at the bottom of the hill, in case you are interested.

Hokey pokey ice cream is vanilla ice cream with small pieces of honeycomb toffee to provide some crunch (and which WILL get stuck in your teeth) and some extra flavor when you are working your way through a cone or bowl of plain vanilla. It's apparently the number two selling flavor of ice cream in New Zealand after (you guessed it) vanilla. It's a rite of passage to get some I guess. I settled for one bowl while I was over there, although we did get some on the airplane ride home across the Pacific.

Fun facts: hokey pokey was apparently a slang term for ice cream sold by street vendors in New York City during the 19th century. It's also the generic term for anything honeycomb in New Zealand. My beloved Crunchie candy bars that I get every time I go to England are also available in New Zealand but instead of the wrapper advertising honeycomb covered in chocolate, it's hokey pokey covered in chocolate.


Pavlova

So after working your way through Chocolate Fish, a box of Lucky Stick, maybe some hokey pokey ice cream and some Jaffas but definitely no Pineapple Lumps, are you finally done with the sugar in New Zealand? Not until you've had some pavlova, you aren't. 

Pavlova was invented either in New Zealand or Australia (yes, there's a debate about this) to celebrate a visit by the Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova to the two countries in the late 1920's. It's pretty much completely made out of meringue and whipped cream with a little fruit scattered on top or around the sides (to make it seem healthy I guess?). The trick with this dessert is getting the ingredients and the bake right to have the meringue crisp on the outside and the cooked to the texture of marshmallow on the inside. The whipped cream can then be piled on top to complete the effort.

This stuff is pretty darned good. I'll take this over a trip to the dairy or some almost vanilla ice cream any day. Plus the fruit makes it healthy, right?


Muttonbird and Paua

No trip to a foreign country would be complete without at least a little bit of adventurousness at the breakfast, lunch or dinner table. If there's something I've never heard of or a vegetable or animal I have heard of but have never seen on a menu, I'm mostly all in. I've tried springbok in Zimbabwe, guinea pig in Ecuador, runny and mold-covered cheese in Paris and who knows what it was I ate in Marrakech. In New Zealand, it was muttonbird and paua. Not together.

So I get that neither of these dishes was particularly out there on the strangeness scale but you have to work with what you are given. Muttonbird is the name given to the meat of the sooty shearwater seabirds that make their home on the islands around New Zealand. The meat apparently tasted to someone like mutton and hence the name. If you find some on a menu like we did way down on Stewart Island, give it a try but know that the bird has been harvested as a baby from the nest while its parents are off fishing for food for the day. Nice, right? The meat is dark with a deep flavor of red meat, albeit it a little dry like most wild meat tends to be. This is a truly New Zealand dish; I'm not sure you are getting young sooty shearwaters on too many menus outside the country. The image above is a plate of muttonbird artfully arranged with some side vegetables.

Paua, on the other hand, is a type of mollusk. If you remotely play tourist in New Zealand, you will find the iridescent shells of the paua for sale in pretty much every city you visit. Paua is a Māori word for the giant sea snails that live close to the shore of the country; in other places in the world, they might be called abalone, if that means anything to you. I had my one plate of paua in a restaurant in Wellington the first night we were in that city. I am not sure the dish I had was representative of the general quality of this meat; if it is, I can't imaging a lot of people would eat it all that often. I'd characterize its texture as rubbery, not unlike poorly cooked squid. I'd take muttonbird over paua, but I'm not really hankering for either as I write this.

A dish of paua with clams. The paua are the mushroom looking things. If only they WERE mushrooms...
So that's my food report on New Zealand. No it's not the culinary wonderland that is Japan, but there's enough here worth seeking out even if it's just a pie washed down with an L&P and finished with a big plate of pavlova.

The cover picture of this post is me downing a colossal cream and caramel donut at the Thursday Night Market in Rotorua. While the food there is not particularly New Zealand specific, the atmosphere, the choice of dishes and the prices made Thursday night in the Māori capital of the country one of the more enjoyable food experiences we had while we were over there. I'd recommend scheduling a Rotorua trip around Thursday night just for this market.

How We Did It
I am fairly sure that if you visit New Zealand you can find some of the kiwi delicacies in this post with just a little searching, if you even have to exert that much effort. Although maybe not the muttonbird. In the interest of giving credit where credit is due, however, we felt the following places served us outstanding food while we were in country and we would recommend you seek these places out if you are in the neighborhood and have a hankering.

If you are in Rotorua and you want a great pie, head over to Gold Star Bakery at 89 Old Taupo Road. These were definitely the best pies we had in our two weeks in New Zealand. And at just $4.90 NZ, they were also the cheapest. I can highly recommend the Mince & Cheese. If I lived or worked in Rotorua, I'd eat here a lot. Like four or five days a week.

The only other pie spot I'd recommend (and I know this is a total curveball) is the food counter at the Invercargill Airport. I know it sounds really weird to have airport food endorsed but the chicken, mushroom and leek pie was amazing. And don't worry about which food counter at the airport I'm talking about; there's only one. Just like there's only one door to the runway.

If you want the prettiest bowl of porridge ever shown above, make your way to Chuffed Coffee at 43 High Street in Auckland. There's only one porridge option offered there and I can't speak to the rest of the menu (because we both got the porridge) but that dish was pretty darned good. I'd definitely eat it again even with the bananas which are not by any means my favorite fruit (in fact I pretty much avoid them everywhere...except in Ecuador).

Seeking some good pavlova? We got some at the South Sea Hotel on Stewart Island and took the picture in this post above. We might have more pavlova recommendations (because honestly who doesn't like meringue and whipped cream making up 90% of their dessert) if we could have found it more often. The picture above represents exactly half of the pavlova we ate. I definitely would have tried more if it was available where we ate.

Finally, because I know it's probably not going to be on most menus in New Zealand, I just wanted to give a quick shout out to our hotel, the Church Hill Lodge, for serving mutton bird on their menu. This is the only place we found this dish. If you are in Stewart Island, I'd recommend a meal here, especially because there are like three places to eat dinner on the entire island. Make a reservation.

And if it didn't sink in the first time. if you are ever in Rotorua, go to Gold Star Bakery. You will not regret it. Will not. 

Sunday, April 14, 2019

Pining For The Fiords


No, that is not a Norwegian blue in the photograph above. Although there may be a parrot or two in this story.

One of the attractions of New Zealand as a destination for me was the ability to experience almost utter isolation in a gorgeous natural landscape. We knew we wouldn't find that kind of feeling in Auckland or Wellington so to maximize our chances of really getting away from it all, we spent a few days on the south island, a land mass about the size of the State of Illinois (25th largest state, in case you care), with roughly the population of Rhode Island (44th most populous; again in case you care).

Once on the south island, we doubled down on our bet and stayed away completely from the cities of Christchurch, Dunedin and Nelson which hold over half the island's population and headed as southwest as we could down to New Zealand's largest national park: Fiordland, a place covering almost 5,000 square miles made up of 13 Sounds which are not sounds, few roads, even fewer people, plenty of old man's beard and about zero towns. Oh...and of course three of New Zealand's 10 Great Walks (of which we did none). 

Depending on your perspective and belief system, Fiordland National Park was either formed by glacial movement eroding and grinding the rock and earth over four or five millennia or so or it was dug out by the demigod Tū Te Rakiwhānoa with a kō, or digging stick. While the first one is probably more plausible, the second is a whole lot more romantic. I'm opting to believe the latter. It's much more fun that way.

"Keep Left" sign on the rear view mirror. Driving on the wrong side of the road again.
We found that there is a pretty good network of transportation in New Zealand. We managed to get most places we wanted to get by plane, boat, bus, taxi, light rail and the occasional tramp for pretty cheap and on some pretty darned convenient schedules. But taking a bus or some other form of vehicle driven by someone else deep into Fiordland? Pass. Could it be done? Sure. But we just didn't have the time to spare. That meant renting a car. And driving on the left (i.e. wrong) side of the road.

Now, I'm not a complete stranger to driving on the wrong side of the road. I spent every other day over a two week period in the summer of 2007 behind the wheel of a car en route from London all the way up to Inverness and then back down to Glasgow. Why every other day? Because my friend Mike and I alternated days / designated driving and driving every day was just way to much to bear. Mike was much better than I was. I remember a lot of hitting of curbs on the sides of the roads. Getting from one place to another even down some very narrow, one lane but two way roads was OK; just those pesky curbs.

I figured if there was a spot to get back into the right side of a car and drive it, the place to pick was the south island of New Zealand. I mean, there can't possibly even be that many cars on the road, right? There's nobody there, after all. Plus, we had an automatic. In Britain all those years ago we had a manual that I had to shift with my left hand all the while watching out for those curbs. Those freaking curbs!!!!

Two good things for me here. First, I was right about the number of cars on the road. Second...no curbs. Just a rumble strip on the edge of the road and one in the center. Hear some rumbling, move back into lane. Worked perfectly. No curbs after all. That and the car constantly admonishing me with the warning "Please obey all traffic regulations" each time I exceeded the speed limit by 10 kilometers per hour kept me on the straight and narrow (and ticket free) in New Zealand.

Mirror Lakes, Fiordland National Park.
Our first destination in our rental car was Te Anau, a town with slightly fewer than 2,000 permanent residents about mid-way down the east side of Fiordland National Park. It's about two hours easy drive from Queenstown, which is where we first set foot on the south island. As a base for exploring for a couple of days, Te Anau was a fantastic place to bunk up, especially since our hotel was right on the shore of Lake Te Anau and within an easy tramp of a walking trail along side the lake.

But we weren't there to see Te Anau. We were there to see Fiordland and at least one of its famous Sounds.


About those Sounds, which as I've already mentioned are not sounds at all. The west coast of New Zealand had some pretty famous early visitors. The Dutch explorer Abel Tasman was the first European to record the existence of the islands in 1642. A little more than 100 years later, Yorkshireman James Cook, perhaps the most well traveled of all famous explorers, circumvented New Zealand en route to it becoming a British territory. Cook gave the name Doubtful Cove to one part of Fiordland because he wasn't certain he could sail into the waterway and maybe less certain he could sail out. 

But neither of these guys called anything a sound. That distinction belongs to John Lort Stokes, a Welshman, who gave thirteen bodies of water in Fiordland the name Sound including converting Doubtful Cove to Doubtful Sound. Turns out he was wrong about them all. According to what we were told while in Fiordland, sounds are bodies of water formed by the action of water eroding rock over a long period of time. They are also good places to anchor ships because they are calmer than the seas or oceans they feed. Turns out those sounds in Fiordland are actually fjords, which are formed by the movement of glaciers. Or maybe the handiwork of a demigod.

The kiwis are somewhat self-deprecating about the whole issue. Not only did they (and it's not really they if it's a Welshman is it?) manage to name 13 fjords as sounds by mistake but when they actually figured out their mistake and named the National Park after what the fingers of water really are, they ended up spelling fjord wrong. 

Lake Te Anau, with a flax plant in the foreground. Not sure the Māori could have lived without the flax plant.
Our pick of Sounds (or fjords or fiords) to visit (and take a boat ride on) came down to what I am sure are most people's top two: Milford Sound in the north end of the Park or Doubtful Sound over the mountains from where we were staying in Te Anau. Since most of the Park is inaccessible to cars, we had limited options. We didn't want to charter a boat and we weren't up for a three day or so long tramp. So, we had our pick of two: Milford or Doubtful. We chose the one that Rudyard Kipling called the eighth wonder of the world: Milford Sound. Although Kipling had nothing to do with it. Apparently it's the more impressive. Although it's also apparently the more crowded.

To combat the crowds, we figured the early bird gets the worm and we booked an early cruise, like 9:30 early. Doesn't sound to early for you? The advice we received was to leave at least 2 hours and 15 minutes for the trip to Milford Sound and get to the boat early. So, a 6:45 a.m. start in the car was in the cards for us.

Three years ago we spent the better part of a day driving along to Road to Hana on the island of Maui, a twisty, turny drive along the Pacific Ocean that tourists on vacation in Hawaii make an event out of. There are stops you can make along the way to see waterfalls, pick up some fresh-baked banana bread or just gaze at the ocean. We hated it. There's nothing at the end of it except a hardware store. Milford Road seemed to be the same sort of thing but we were all in anyway. After all, we'd seen pictures of the end here and if nothing else, we had a boat ride scheduled for about 90 minutes.

The road to Milford Sound...
and the kind of landscape we were driving through.
Now at 6:45 in the morning in early March, it's pitch black in New Zealand so our appreciation of the road we were driving on would have to happen about an hour or so after we set off. And whatever stops we were going to make would have to happen on the way back. After all, we had a boat to catch and we hoped we'd be at least halfway there by the time the sun came up.

There is pretty much a single road taking you directly from Te Anau to Milford Sound, but at some point about 2/3 of the way through the journey it takes sort of a left turn. If there was a moment when the beauty of the landscape revealed itself to us, it was at about this point. Our environment changed from what I'll call flat grasslands to spectacular mountains with sides about as vertical as you can get. The mountainsides were a combination of forested slopes and broken rock threatening to avalanche at any second. And the road changed from a straight line to a series of curves designed to find the easiest way around and through the peaks, although at one spot it was obvious that man just got tired of finding the most convenient way through nature and just cut a tunnel through the mountain.

I've driven through mountain ranges before in my life I'm not sure I've seen this kind of landscape with slopes this sheer before. Tū Te Rakiwhānoa did a heck of a job on these things with his kō. It was only the last maybe 45 minutes of the drive that the landscape looked this way but then again, it just kept going when we got to the Sound although where there was road there now was water. 

Milford Sound. Finally. Flax plant in the foreground (again).
Hop on a boat at the Milford Sound terminal and you can get a closer look at those steep slopes you've been driving past on the way to your destination. There are a series of waterfalls fed by both melting glaciers (global climate change is real, folks!) and by the rainfall that hits Fiordland and drops about seven to nine meters of rain (that's about 23 to 30 feet per year) over 200 days of the year. For perspective, the most rain ever recorded in a year in Washington, D.C. is a little more than five feet. Fiordland gets a lot of rain.

The boat also gets you up close and personal with some of the tree avalanche scars along the sides of the mountains. These are spots where tree avalanches have occurred, massive collapses of trees caused by one fall near the top of the slope ripping all the plants below it out of the rock face; the roots of the trees are so shallow on these faces because there is so little purchase for the roots. It must be an astonishing sight to see when it happens. The aftermath leaves the cliff face wth a bare strip all down its height.


Other than cruising around the Sound and maybe doing some tramping, there is nothing else to do at the end of your drive. So having spent the better part of 90 minutes on our ship, the Lady Bowen, we headed back to Te Anau. With some stops along the way, hoping that we'd get more out of our day trip than we did on the road to Hana in 2016. And I won't come back to this point again. We definitely did. I mean the boat ride alone trumped the day we spent on the east side of Maui.

We elected to stop five times on our return journey. Four were pre-planned and one was so gorgeous that we had to get out of the car and take a little walk. Most companies that conduct boat trips on Milford Sound will have a brochure with a map and some suggested stopping points. And having compared a few of these, they are all pretty much the same with maybe one or two differences. If nothing else, they are enticing people to the Sound with promises of free stuff to do along the way. And they are not wrong to do this.

Our stopping points on the way home were at The Chasm, Monkey Creek, Lower Hollyford Road, Mirror Lakes and Lake Mistletoe (you'll find them all on your tour company literature). The Chasm sounded way more cool and dangerous than it was but is probably worth a stop; I'd pass on Monkey Creek and Lake Mistletoe (despite the interesting spider webs at Lake Mistletoe); and Lower Hollyford Road has a pretty cool waterfall near the road and some gorgeous scenery. But the star stop for me was Mirror Lakes, a maybe quarter mile long walkway along a river or lake (it seemed like a river but it's called Mirror Lakes so...) that reflects the mountain scenery beyond beautifully. It's supposed to be perfectly reflective but the ducks in the water kept making waves for us. Would have been nice to see this place perfectly still.

One last pic of Milford Sound. Part of a glacier is visible on the mountain in the center of the frame.
Our trip to Milford Sound also gave us one of those regrettable if I'd have known then what I know now moments. And this is where the parrots come in. I promised you parrots and i'm giving you parrots. 

Right before the end of the journey along Milford Road, there's a one-way tunnel blasted right through solid rock (I know I mentioned this earlier). Because it's one-way, there's a chance you will have to wait for any traffic inside the tunnel to clear it before you can enter. As luck would have it (and I really mean this), we waited both ways.

As we were waiting on our way there at just about five minutes after eight in the morning, we spotted two birds on the ground that looked like parrots. Sure enough they were New Zealand's famous mountain parrot, the kea (pronounced key-a, not kay-a). And they seemed awfully interested in the car waiting ahead of us. So interested in fact that they hopped right onto the hood of the car and then scampered quickly up onto the roof.

Then we spotted two more. And two more. And two more. Apparently, cars waiting outside the Homer Tunnel (that's what it's called) attract keas at just after eight o'clock in the morning. These things move fast by the way. It's a combination of flying, running and hopping but they can cover some distance in a hurry. And apparently some of the latecomers, maybe jealous of the first pair being on top of a car, wanted to spend some time on our car. Right on the hood. Two parrots looking us right in the eye. And before I could even take a decent picture, they scampered up the windshield and onto the roof.

How does one get a kea off the roof of a Nissan automobile, you might ask? I have no idea. We pounded on the roof then blew the horn a bunch of times. I have no idea if that got them off or not. I just knew one thing: no way was I getting out of the car or opening the window to check. These birds apparently have the intelligence of a six year old human and have known to be mischievous. No way was I getting stuck with a parrot in our rental car.

When the sign at the right side of the tunnel said go, we went. We assumed if nothing else we had done, that would dislodge our two riders. I have no idea if it did or not. All I can tell you is when we got to the parking lot about 20 minutes later, our car was kea-free.

The entrance to Homer Tunnel. On the way to Milford Sound.
Attack of the kea! Photo courtesy of my more-alert-than-her-husband wife.
I cannot express how much I was looking forward to passing back through the Homer Tunnel so I could see some more kea. I also cannot express how disappointed in myself I was that there were none. We pulled off the road, got out of the car and nothing! No parrots in sight. Should have spent more time with these birds when we had them. What's that about a bird in the hand? We had time, too. We could have missed our shot at the tunnel and gone through 10 or 15 minutes later. Oh well! We still got a few minutes with them and we found some amazing scenery. Not bad for a day on the other side of the world.

How We Did It
The first decision we made about our time in Fiordland National Park was where to stay. We chose Te Anau because we thought it would allow us the flexibility to make decisions about what to do in the Park after we booked accommodations. I thought Te Anau was a great town. It's clearly a tourist town but it's walkable and there are a ton of dining options. While I rarely rave about hotels we have stayed in on our travels, I'd highly recommend the Fiordland Lake View Motel and Apartments. It's within walking distance of downtown, the suites are huge and the beds were comfortable. I don't know what else I could wish for.

Once we made the decision to visit Milford Sound the only choice left was which tour company to spend an hour and a half of our time on the water. We chose Southern Discoveries primarily because of their Encounter Nature Cruise which promised a longer cruise on a smaller boat with the opportunity for close up pictures of penguins, seals and dolphins. While having nothing to compare their cruise to, I was underwhelmed on the nature side of things primarily because we saw no penguins and no dolphins. As a veteran of countless nature spotting cruises and safaris and walks, I also know that the nature sometimes doesn't cooperate.

For some reason, we decided to pre-purchase lunch on our cruise. I have no idea why. Maybe I was thinking that we wouldn't be able to buy food any other way at Milford Sound. Anyway, we ended up with probably too much food and too little (or maybe no) choice. They have food available for purchase on the boat a la carte. We should have done this. We could have eaten just what we wanted and nothing else and we would have had complete control over the menu. Lesson learned.

So did the early start give us an advantage? Did the early bird really get the worm? I'm convinced it did. But then again, I usually am. First of all, our driving time was about an hour and 45 minutes, at least 30 minutes faster than most travel advice we read. Second, the parking lot was pretty full; there are parking lots further away than we parked but I'm glad we didn't have to. Finally, I didn't think the Sound was crowded with boats which is the one consistent thing we heard from everyone we talked to in New Zealand that had visited Fiordland. I'm almost always going to suggest an early start. I'm convinced this time it paid off big time.